My Motives

I hate fundraising. I hate that fundraising is so public. I hate having to bare my heart to the world, plead my case, and pray for support. I have really struggled with my journey so far for this mission trip. I have been so worried about not giving God due praise. I have worried that people will think I am only praising myself. I have worried about the way I am sharing Christ.

I know worry is not of God.

"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself." Matthew 6:34

But, I still worry. I don't want people to think this is about me. Or that I think it is about me. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME. It will never be about me, or you. Even when we think it is about us. We are wrong.

When I brag, I am not bragging on behalf of myself. I am bragging on God.

"Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord." 2 Corinthians 10:17

"Thus says the Lord: 'Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord." Jeremiah 29:23-24

Please do not think for a second that I am proud of myself. I am nothing. It is my desire that if I am going to have to lay my heart on the line to fundraise, that people would really see my heart. I want people to see it all. I want them to see that I am a wreck. I want them to see my true heart.

I know that I annoy people with how much I talk about the mission trip. I know that the more public I am, the more open I become to judgments. I know that those closest to me know my heart. I pray that everyone does. In the end all I can do is follow Paul's heeding.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:8

It's not about me

This past Saturday I had a date with this guy...

And he took me here...

And then this happened...

And he gave me this...

And let me tell you, I am so stinkin' excited I can barely contain it sometimes! I will get to say I do to him on September 24, 2011. Blessed does not seem like an adequate word to describe how I feel.

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinithians 10:31

But no matter what, Christ is our first love. Our relationship is not about us. I don't ever want it to be. I love my fiancé and am so excited to spend the rest of my life with him. Yet, it cannot be about us and our happiness, but about us finding our joy and strength in the Father. It's got to be about us running after Him. About us pouring our hearts at His feet and responding with obedience when He calls. It's got to be about us committing to each other by first committing to seek God.

Watch out. God called us to marriage for a reason, and he's got something so HUGE planned that we're going to rock this world.

I am Peter

I am so Peter. I am the girl on the boat saying, "Take me, Jesus! Can I go? I'll walk on the water!" I run head first, out onto the water with no doubt that the impossible will be overcome. Then, I see the waves. I see the dark sea beneath me. The doubts begin to mount. I feel myself sinking. So, I scream out, "Jesus, you lead me out here! Will you let me fail? Don't leave me alone! Jesus, I am afraid!"

And as always, He reaches out and scoops me up. "Why are you screaming, my child? Why are you fearful? Where is your faith? I called you out onto the water. You are with the creator of the universe. Will I not provide and care for you?"

It does not matter how many times he answers and provides; I still doubt.

I had a Peter moment this morning. I was doing some PR work for my mission trip, and then it happened. The doubts started flooding in. "What if I don't raise enough money? God, you won't let me down, right? I probably am just annoying people anyways. I have so little time left. It's not going to be enough."

And then, I just got nasty. "God, I know people working to raise $30,000+ for their adoption. I just need $3,000. Why is it so hard for me? Why aren't people giving more? Why is it so easy for them to raise money?" (I hope you didn't think I had it all together and am always found in the dust of my Rabbi. I most certainly am one, big mess!)

But just as He was with Peter, there was Jesus, quieting me. In less than 3 hours of my melt down, God provided $145. I could feel Him whispering to me, "See? I will provide. This is my plan, and it is perfect. I will never leave you."

No matter how many doubts I have or how nasty I get, He is always there, calling me further out into the waters. Just two days ago, I was encouraging all of you to fight for something. I was so excited for the task ahead. Today, I took my eyes off of Christ and began to sink. But He was still there to scoop me up, and He will always be.

His love amazes me. His faithfulness leaves me breathless. I know the doubts will rise again. I will feel my fear overtaking me, but I never want to be too afraid to face the waves. I want to always be the girl leaping off the side of the boat calling, "Take me, Jesus! I'll go!"

*2/18 I received $615 in the mail today! God is too good to me. Why do I ever doubt?

Restless

Who am I?

I am a daughter to amazing parents.

Girlfriend to a wonderful man.

Roommate of an amazing girl.

Sister of Sigma Alpha Omega.

Student at Georgia College quickly approaching graduation.

Member of the Dance Minor program.

Employee at the Georgia College Phon-a-thon.

Psychology intern at the Life Enrichment Center.

Teacher of dance to individuals with developmental disorders.

A dreamer.

Someone with crazy ideas that no longer surprise her mom.

Someone with a passion for people with special needs.

Someone with a passion for the orphan.

The widow.

The poor.

The enslaved.

Emotional.

Someone who cares entirely too much about making other people happy.

Someone who will push everything else aside, even when that means her relationship with God, to ensure her peers are happy with her.

Someone who cries over everything. Everything.

Stubborn.

Someone who fights to get her way with all that she has.

Someone who will fight for the passions of her heart to no end.

Impatient.

Someone who is not always a fan of God's timing.

A worrier.

Someone who wants control over everything, will stress to no end when that control is taken away, and will forget God's sovereignty.

A procrastinator.

Someone who lets herself get way behind in her Bible reading plan.

Forgiven.

Someone who is miraculously living within God's grace. Ephesians 2:8-9

Healed.

Someone who was told she would never be normal, but God had greater plans. Psalm 30:2

Called.

Someone who knows we ALL must fight for the least of these. Matthew 25:31-46

Humbled.

Someone who Christ made himself a servant for and then died for. Isaiah53:5

Adopted.

A daughter of the Mighty King. Romans 8:14-16

Often, it's easy to forget where my true identity lies. So many other things pull my attention. People, class, work, responsibilities, passions. I allow those things to become my gods. I work myself to exhaustion for those things. Yet, the whole time God is calling, "Come, my love. Find rest in me. Find value in me. Find purpose in my glory." He knows this is what I need, what I truly long for.

God's Heart

The numbers

• The number of children in the world that have lost their mother or father, are parent-less, or have been abandoned, now exceeds 147 million. This absolutely staggering number is almost equivalent to one-half of the total population of the United States.

• Every day 5,760 more children become orphans.

• An estimated 17.5 million children have lost one or both parents to AIDS; more than 14 million of these children live in sub-Saharan Africa.

• Diarrhea is the second most common cause of death in young children, after pneumonia. It kills more than 1.5 million children under 5 years of age every year, representing 17 per cent of all deaths in children under 5.

• Diarrhea is caused by germs that are swallowed, especially germs from feces. This happens most often where there is unsafe disposal of feces, poor hygiene practices, or lack of clean drinking water.

• Each year, over 1.4 million children die from diseases that are preventable with readily available vaccines.

• In the US there are approximately 500,000 children in foster care. Approximately 130,000 of those children in foster care are waiting and available for adoption.

• In the past hour 1,625 children were forced to live on the streets by the death or abuse of an adult.

• In the past hour 1,667 children under the age of five died from malnutrition and vaccine preventable diseases.

• In the past hour 115 children became prostitutes.

• In the past hour 66 children under 15 were infected with HIV.

• In the past hour 257 children were orphaned because of HIV/AIDS

The faces

This is Andrew. A team with Visiting Orphans met him a couple of days ago. Andrew was living under the care of Renee Bach and her ministry, Serving His Children. Renee is serving the least these in Jinja, Uganda. When the team met Andrew he was four years old. Andrew was extremely malnourished. On this past Friday, Andrew went to be with Jesus. His last words? "I want my mommy."

Christie Cotney is serving the least of these in the Bugabo Village in Uganda. She met this man last week. He is the father to three children. Someone came into his home, stole all he owned, and beat him. They then hung him by his arm.

This is his arm now. He and his children were found living in a church.

This is Isaac Sembajwe. I sponsor him through Christie's child sponsorship program. He is nine years old. He lives with his father, 4 brothers, and 1 sister. He wants to be a pilot when he grows up. His favorite animal is a cow. His favorite color is yellow.

This is the Korah Dump in Ethiopia. These people live amongst the filth. They dig through the garbage in order to survive.

These are all real people, real children, who want LOVE.

There is one thing about God's nature that is inescapable. God LOVES.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

There are two things that we are called to do as His followers. LOVE Him and LOVE others.

"'Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?' Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.'" -Matthew 22:36-40

Another truth that is clear from God's word is that He LOVES the orphan, the widow, and the alien.

"He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing." -Deuteronomy 27:19

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." -John 14:18

He calls us to LOVE and care for the orphan, widow, and alien.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." -James 1:27

"Cursed is the man who withholds justice from the alien, the fatherless or the widow." -Isaiah 1:17

"Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." -Zechariah 7:10

I don't know about you, but I want more of God's heart. I want Him to break my heart for what breaks His. I want to see through His eyes. I want to LOVE because He LOVES.

"Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise...

...To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power for ever and ever!" -Revelation 5:12-13

Statistics taken from: www.unaids.org; abbafund.wordpress.com; www.unicef.org; www.hfgf.org

Changed - Part 2

Read Part 1 here.

When the doctor told my parents of the damage my brain had suffered, I of course knew none of this. My parents kept me from the grim reality. I can clearly remember the doctor visits, but that was not the scary part.

What I remember more than anything were the nights. It was at night that my fears were at their greatest. During the day I was surrounded by people. At night I was alone. Every night when it was bedtime, the terror set in. I would cry and beg my mom to stay with me until I fell asleep. I did not want to close my eyes for fear of what the night would bring. Fearful that another seizure would happen. Fearful that I would not live to see the morning.

After taking the seizure medication for some time, doctors decided to begin to ween me off of it. Shortly thereafter, I went back for more scans and tests. Doctors were baffled by what they found. All traces of brain damage were gone. There was no evidence I had ever even had a seizure.

"...and the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well." -James 5:15

"...for I am the Lord who heals you." -Exodus 15:26

Jehovah Rapha had moved in me. The Mighty One had worked a miracle in me. God truly is so good.

Let me diverge from my story for a moment to make it clear that even if God had not healed me, He would STILL BE GOOD. He would still be the only Jehovah Rapha. He would still be mighty and awesome. He would still be the creator of the universe that longs for an intimate relationship with each of us and would still be so deserving of our praise.

Of course my parents were ecstatic over the doctor's news, but I was still terrified. The memory of that Sunday still plagued me. I still cried and begged my mom not to leave me at night. I remember my mom telling me that if I had Jesus in my heart, there was nothing to fear. But I didn't. God used my seizures to stir my heart. It was during those long nights that I came to realize I so desperately needed to be forgiven of my sins. I so desperately needed the one called Jesus to come into my heart.

When I was 13 I made a decision that changed my life forever. I prayed for God to forgive me of my sins. I prayed that He would come into my heart to stay. I promised to serve Him alone. And God was right there to answer my cry, to cleanse me.

"'Come now, let us reason together,' says the Lord. 'Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.'" -Isaiah 1:18

God's ways are so above our comprehension. His plan so much more magnificent than anything we could ever imagine. If before the day I was born, God had asked me to write my life story, I most certainly would not have included seizures. But I am so thankful to have had them. I now have an awesome testament of God's glory to share with people. And after I welcomed Christ into my heart, I did not have another fearful night. I have never again been afraid to fall asleep. Fear had been replaced with peace.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." -2 Corinthians 4:17

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" -Jeremiah 29:11

God had a plan to change me. He had a plan to invite me to become one of His own. And since that day almost 9 years ago, He has not stopped changing me.

Changed - Part 1

I don't know how many people actually read this. I know that some of the people who do, already know this story, but this is my story. The story of how God changed me. It will come in two parts, so be patient. I created this blog as a way to share my journey and passions. It's time I share me. It's time I share why I am so passionate about visiting the orphan, why I never shut up about it. It's time I share how my great, big, awesome God has worked in me. And although this is my story, it's not about me. It's about God. It's Him in me.

I had what I consider to be a pretty perfect childhood. I had a mom and dad who loved me dearly. They spoiled their only child rotten. I was at church every Sunday. I knew all sorts of stories from the Bible. I was the good girl who's biggest fault was talking too much (some may argue that to still be true!) I had everything.

One night when I was about 9 years old, I can remember my parents calling me awake. I remember being disoriented and sleepy. I did not understand why they were waking me up and making me talk to them. I did not know that their perfect little girl had had a seizure. The experience wasn't scary for me. I really didn't understand what was going on. We went to the doctor. They ran a couple of tests. He told us that sometimes this happens. Sometimes kids have one unexplained seizure and that's it. After that they simply grow out of it.

Things continued normally for me after that. I did not grasp what had happened. I never thought about it again. Then, about a year later, I was sitting in church one Sunday when something went wrong. I remember sitting beside my mom, looking at my Bible, eating a peppermint. Suddenly my body went numb. I could not control anything. I tried to reach out to my mom, but my hand was drawn to my chest. I tried to cry out, but no words came out. I was a prisoner to my body. I was trapped without any control. I was having a grand mal (or tonic-clonic) seizure.

It is hard to explain to someone what it actually feels like. It is horrifying. I compare it to what I imagine some people in a coma feel like. You are aware of things around you, but it's all sort of fuzzy. You don't necessarily hear people, but you know they are there. Inside you are screaming for someone to make it stop, but your body is not cooperating.

When the seizure was finally over, our church family gathered around me to pray for me. When we left, well intentioned people came and asked if I was feeling better. Their good intentions angered me. What sort of question was that? I never felt "sick" to begin with. If they were referring to whether or not I felt better emotionally, of course I didn't. I was a terrified little girl who although knew the stories of Christ, knew nothing of His peace.

The rest of that day is a blur to me, and for that I am thankful. According to my parents I had seizure, after seizure that day. My perfect life turned to fear. I underwent test after test. I was poked and scanned. I underwent CT scans, MRIs, and EEGs. I was put on medication. Because of the medication I had to go monthly to have my blood drawn.

My parents were told my brain had suffered too much damage from the seizures. I would never be the same. Their perfect little girl would never recover. I would never be able to drive, finish school, have a normal life. I was forever changed.

This Christmas, Simply Love

There are 58 days until Christmas! Wow!

As I began to think about what gifts to give everyone this year, I decided I want to give with a purpose. I want to give gifts that instead of just being used for a month or so, will last a lifetime. I want to give gifts that make an impact.

I began to search for organizations and families that offer opportunities to give gifts that make a difference. While I know there are many, many more out there, I have made a list of the ones I found. Will you give with a purpose this year? Within the list below there are organizations that provide for and care for those in need. There are families raising money for their adoption. Most importantly there are people who are using their time and resources to simply love.

Of course you can still purchase your Simply Love Uganda shirt or Just Love Coffee to help fund my journey to Uganda!

I have made this super easy for you. Search through the categories to find just what you are looking for. Help a family bring their baby home. Help care for the orphan and the widow. Help society to forgive, but not forget about those in prison. Help put an end to human trafficking. Help make a difference this Christmas.

(If you are a fundraising family or an organization striving to make a difference, tell me the link to your blog or website and I will gladly add you!)

Apparel

5 Million Children Looking for a Home

147 Gear

A Road Home

A Straight Path

Adoption Journey

Africa Bound Andrews

Along the Narrow Road

Already Love You

Because We Are Led

Bringing Home Sophia

Compassion International

Dolka Pots

Drawn From Water Store

Farmer's Wife Tells All

fashionABLE

Feeding the Orphans

Forgive, Don't Forget

Go Seek Love

God Etched Your Name

Haiti Tees

Heart of Africa

Help End Local Poverty

Hemphill Hub

Henry of Our Heart

Hudsons' Adoption Journey

I Heart Africa

I Will Not Leave You As Orphans

I'm Adopted

In the Heart of Our Home

Into the Streets of Africa

It's Poppy Dip

Journey to Number Three

Life a Bit Sweeter

Love With Abandon

Mercy House Shop

Minus 1 Project

Mocha Club

My Crazy Adoption

My Cup Overfloweth

One Family

One Less Orphan, One Less Broken Heart

Only Love

Ordinary Hero

Our Lives Are Not Our Own

Our Missing Link

Pitter Patter Art

Providence Ministries

Punjammies

Radical Living

Red, Yellow, Black, White, Love

Road Less Traveled

Team Parker

The Journey Begins

Thomas Family Journey

Still One Awaits

Watoto

Wiphan

World Orphans

Art

Ahni Art

Handcrafted Metal Art

Little Wonder's Project

Only God Could Write This Story

Pitter Patter Art

Christmas

Africa Bound Andrews

Another Precious Jewel

Embracing the Least of These

Food for the Hungry

From Africa to Your Heart

Longaberger

Cookbooks

Blessings in the Journey

The Mulders...Becoming a Family of 3

Wiphan

Jewelry

31 Bits

A Road Home

Adopting Ainsley

Along the Narrow Road

Bring Alyssa Home

Cleary Crew

Junk Posse

Life a Bit Sweeter

Light Gives Heat

Little Goody 2 Shoes

Lovin' Much

Mama Sheep

Mercy House Shop

My Cup Overfloweth

Orphaned No More

Paracord Survivor Bracelets

Sweet Tea Shoppe

Uganda Beads

Village of Hope Uganda

Totes and Bags

147 Gear

Ahni Art

Bags for Haggerty's

Because We Are Led

Craft and Couture

One Family

Twinkle Stich

Psychics, Ouija Boards, and the Church

As I write this post, I am sure there are people who disagree with me, but oh well. I know there will be some who think I’ve lost my mind when I tell you I volunteered to bring a psychic and a Ouija board to church with me.

I am a Psychology major. For one of my electives I am taking a class called X-files. X-files is the study of why people believe in the paranormal. That’s the supposed class description at least. Often I think the class is really an hour of the professor trying to convince us that nothing exists including the power of God. I say the power of God because this professor has acknowledged God exists, but that God is a distant being with little to no interaction or connection to us. It seems that not all, but a lot of students in the class would agree. So a lot of times I find myself fighting to tell these people that our God is love, lots and lots of crazy love, because I don’t think they know that amazing truth.

In our class there have been several occasions where the professor will ask who attends church. Who has a living, breathing relationship with Christ is apparently irrelevant. On two occasions that question has been followed by, “Who would take a psychic to church with them?” and “Who would take a Ouija board to church?” Our professor makes it clear that they believe every single church would either throw us out at such blasphemy or not even allow us in the first place because they would believe we were possessed by satan.

With both questions, I volunteered. Heart pounding because I know the disbelief and argument that will follow, I volunteer. Each time my professor has been astounded and unconvinced that I would actually do such a thing. They are sure no church could be that loving and accepting.

Let me be clear to say that I do not believe in psychics, Ouija boards, or the like. I do believe however that the church is supposed to be a place of love. I believe that if a church is truly following the life of Christ, a psychic in attendance one Sunday should be welcomed whole heartedly.

Maybe some disagree with me for entertaining such things that could be classified as witchcraft which the Bible teaches against. But in Matthew 9:12 Jesus says, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick…for I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” It saddens me each week when such questions come up in my class. It saddens me that we have allowed the church to be viewed as a place of judgment. Yes, one day we will all face our final judgment, but when Christ walked this earth He did not judge. He loved. It was the hypocrites and Pharisees that He dealt harshly with. But for the tax collectors, adulterers, liars, thieves, lepers, sinners…he LOVED them.

In Matthew 22:37 Jesus tells us, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

So where is our love? Why do people see the church as a place of judgment? It is certainly not God’s character that has created this image.

I am not the epitome of love. I never will be this side of Heaven. I judge just as we all do. When we find ourselves judging and forgetting to love however, we must remember we are an example of Christ. Judgment and hate is not an image I want the church to be known for. I want to be the girl who’s known for hanging out with psychics, thieves, the poor, the lost and the shunned because that’s who my Jesus teaches me to be.

Lessons

It amazes me that no matter how many times God reveals His wisdom to me, there always seems to be some lessons I learn over and over again. I am in the second week of my senior year of college (can you say crazy!). I really want to spend this year learning more about the love of Christ so that I would be able to better spread that love to others. It has been my prayer lately that God would place people in my path to pour that love out to.

I have prayed and I have waited. Prayed and waited. Why was God not sending anyone to me? I was praying. He should have delivered.

God had been delivering every day. I was just too blind to see. I have been struggling recently to really spend personal time with God. I wasn't spending time in God's word like I should. I wasn't truly seeking Him. And I know that in order for me to grow closer to God, I have to put in the effort. Yet for some reason, I always seem to have problems remembering that.

It is exactly .4 miles from my apartment to campus. This morning when I left for class I thought to grab my iPod. The first song to play was Shane and Shane's "Heart of Servants."

I spent the .4 miles praising my Father. Asking Him to change my heart. To make me a servant of all. Asking Him to help me surrender my pride. To release me from my selfishness. And to pour out His love through me.

When I arrived in class my teacher asked me about the shirt I was wearing. It is my adoption shirt from the Walser Family. The shirt says, "Love with abandon. Love an orphan." So I had the opportunity to share with my teacher and rest of the class the miracle of adoption and the amount of love involved.

And there's more. The class is called Creative Art Therapies. Today we were asked to draw a wall, of any kind. This is the wall I drew (please keep in mind that I am NOT artistically gifted).

We were then asked to explain to the class what our wall symbolized. I explained that my wall symbolized the walls that adoptive families have to fight through. That it is not an easy journey, but one that God has called them to and will guide them through. That these families must truly love with abandon to follow God's call. I explained that it is not just families adopting, but that we are called to love all people with abandon. I explained that I chose to make my wall out of interweaving colors because at the end of their journey, the faces of these families may be many different colors, but they are all a part of God's family.

I didn't have an in depth conversation on theology with my class. It was just a brief time of sharing. But it was something, and I am so thankful for that chance.

God showed up. He put someone in my path. But God has shown up every day. I just haven't taken the time to prepare my heart for when He does. I allowed myself to pass through the day blinded to the opportunities all around me. But oh the difference a morning of praise makes.

Lamentations 3:22-23 reads, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

God's compassions are new EVERY MORNING. So no matter what kind of day I'm having when I wake up or what trials I am facing, I have something to praise Him for.

I know I will probably learn this lesson all over again at some point. But I am thankful for the lesson today. I am thankful that God loves me regardless of the amount of effort I put forth. I am thankful that God doesn't love you more than me or me more than you. I am thankful that God loves ALL of me. I am thankful that He wants all of me.

Junk Posse Necklace!!!

Ok so I know most of you reading my blog have no idea what I am talking about. I had never heard of Junk Posse either until a couple of months ago. But then I found these wonderful families who are in the process of adopting and they lead me to Junk Posse. Tracy is the woman behind Junk Posse. She creates wonderful pieces of jewelry that speak up for the orphan. You should definitely check our her store here. She has tons of pieces to choose from and each one supports a non-profit organization or adopting family. Right now 30% of every purchase that is not already designated to a family or organization, will help support the Shubin Family. Read their story here.

I had Tracy create a custom piece for me. Believe me when I say I have been counting down the days for it to arrive. Well it came today, and I absolutely LOVE it!!



The back square pendant has James 1:27 written on it, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." The front oval pendant has the word "LOVE".

I am so excited to wear this piece. I want it to be a reminder of my purpose over the coming months as I prepare to go to Uganda. May I always remember throughout every trial, that our greatest calling is simply to love.

Homesick for Africa

I am homesick for Africa. I have been homesick since this past November. But here's the catch, I've never been to Africa.

In November I stumbled upon Katie's blog (which every single one of you should read because it's absolutely amazing). Katie was an average girl from Tennessee. She had a comfortable life. When she graduated high school she felt God calling her to move to Uganda, so she did. God has since made her the mom to 14 little girls (see I told you, simply amazing). Katie started a program called Amazima Ministries International. I spent hours in November reading about Katie and Amazima Ministries. In December I searched the Amazima website for a way to go to Uganda to serve. I never could find anything, but couldn't get Africa off my heart.

From December to June I was completely consumed with planning the Nicaragua mission trip, but Africa was still on my heart. I was so excited to be returning to Nicaragua, but I felt a longing for Africa.

God's love was so evident in Nicaragua, and I returned with a greater desire to love His children. I would sit for hours at my computer reading blogs of people who were serving God in Africa or on the journey to adopt. Two weeks ago, as I was reading through several blogs, I found an organization called Visiting Orphans . As I began to read about Visiting Orphans I learned they take mission teams into several countries around the world, including Africa. More specifically, I found they take teams into Uganda (at this point I was starting to get excited). Finally, I discovered that their Ugandan teams work with Amazima Ministries!

As soon as I read it I had goosebumps all over and was in tears. I spent some time in prayer about the trip. I have no doubt God is leading me to Uganda. SO...I will be traveling with a team through Visiting Orphans June 12th to June 19th! We will be going to Uganda to simply love the orphan. We will have several projects to complete, and I will post more about the trip at a later time. Truly our greatest calling, is simply to love. I know I face a rough road. I know satan is going to do everything he can to defeat me. I know I will have to fight with all that I have to raise the money. I know not all of you understand this. I know I will come across some people who are completely against it. But most importantly, to use the words of Chris Tomlin, I know that, "Our God is greater. Our God is stronger...And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?"

Thirst

This is the back of my car. Almost anyone that knows me well, knows that I have a bad habit of chucking half full water bottles to the back. I will drink half the bottle, leave it in the car for a while, it gets hot, so I throw it in the back to sit until I decide to clean out my car (which is a rare occasion). Yesterday I got in my car to go work with my fresh bottle of water, grabbed the bottle from yesterday, and threw it in the back. As soon as the bottle left my hand, I was convicted by what I was doing. I throw my water bottles to the back of my car because I know there are fresh cold ones in my refrigerator, while people are dying all over the world because of lack of clean water.

I was overwhelmed by that thought. But I didn't want my convictions to end in my car. I wanted to know numbers. Here is what I found from Water.org

*1.4 million children die each year because of waterborne diseases
*Nearly 1 billion people lack access to safe water
*2.5 billion people do not have access to improved sanitation
*Improved sanitation: defined as a sanitation facility that ensures hygienic separation of human excreta from human contact
*Approximately 1 in 8 people lack access to safe water supplies
*3.575 million people die each year from water-related diseases
*An American taking a 5 minute shower uses more water than most do in a day
*More people in the world have a cell phone than access to a toilet
*Diarrhea is 2nd leading cause of death among children under age 5. It kills more than AIDS, malaria, and measles combined.
*Every 20 seconds a child dies from a water-related disease
*Children in poor environments often carry 1,000 parasitic worms in their body at any time
*In one day, more than 200 million hours of women's time is used collecting water.
*3 jerry cans or water weigh as much as a baby giraffe

Wow. And I carelessly throw my water bottles like they're nothing. I am so thankful that God continues to bless me so abundantly when I am so thoughtless sometimes.

But I don't want to just stop at being more appreciative of water. I don't want to just stop throwing them to the back of my car. I want to DO something. We can feel bad about something and be moved by something all we want. But if everyone just stops there, stops at conviction, what good is that? Change requires action. So I did my research.

I found a wonderful organization called Water is Life. WiL works to provide life giving water solutions. Their goal is to provide both short-term temporary and long-term sustainable water solutions in developing countries. They have created a Water is Life straw as a temporary solution. The straw is a small, portable filtration device that provides pure, clean drinking water whenever it is immersed into a water source. Each straw only costs $10, but it provides clean water to a person for a year. During that year, WiL works to implement a long-term sustainable clean water solution to the village. How awesome is that?!



There were 10 water bottles in the back of my car. So I have decided to purchase 10 straws. With $100, 10 people will have clean water for a year. Now I challenge you to purchase a straw. One movie ticket, two drinks from Starbucks, or two meals from Chick-fil-a. That's all I'm asking you to give up. I have 1,011 "friends" on Facebook. I actually know everyone of them to some degree. If everyone of my friends donated, 1,011 lives could be saved. Will join me?

Drowning

Late Thursday night as I was reading my Bible, I stumbled across Psalm 93. Verses 3 and 4 read, "The seas have lifted up, O Lord, the seas have lifted up their voice; the seas have lifted up their pounding waves. Mightier than the thunder of the great waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea - the Lord on high is mighty."

When we spent our evening on the beach in Nicaragua, the waves were stronger than I had ever felt. I waded out into the water until I was a little more than waist deep. Wave upon wave crashed over me. Their force was so strong that I could not stand. They crashed upon me, dragging me under, rolling me in their current. I would fight their force until I emerged, struggling for breath, just in time for another wave to drag me under. When I had finally had enough, I pulled myself back onto the shore. I was completely exhausted.

The Psalms says, "...mightier than the breakers of the sea - the Lord on high is mighty." I want to be rocked by God like I was rocked by the sea. I want to throw myself into His depths and be caught in His pull. I want wave upon wave of His love to crash upon me. I want to emerge completely spent, yet longing for more. I want to drown in His love.

But the thing about the beach is that it isn't as much fun to be there alone. It's best when you have people in the water with you. Let's all drown together, shall we?

Sometimes it takes a rash...

Most often parents start out telling their children to do something in a nice, friendly voice. "Clean your room, please." If the child doesn't listen, the parent will get progressively louder until it's, "Clean your room, NOW!" That's where I'm at with God right now.

Lately, God has gently been pushing me to spend more time with Him, to invest in our relationship. But I haven't been listening. He kept reminding me to set aside time for Him. I haven't listened.

So here I am in Nicaragua, confined to a tiny room with the AC on, taking benadryl, using calamine lotion because I have hives all over my back. I kept pushing God behind other "more important things." Now it's not that I think God is punishing me for not spending more time with Him. I think God is saying, "Here. You have been 'too busy' to set aside time for me. Let me help you with that. There. Now you have plenty of quiet time with me."

God uses all sorts of things to get our attention. Sadly, sometimes it takes a rash to get us to stop and listen. But that's where I am: with itchy hives all over me, rejoicing in my gracious Father.

I want to be a tree...

I was watching the show "Cold Case" the other day. I had never seen it before, but the one episode has really stuck with me. The episode was about a guy who would kidnap women and eventually kill them. (I am sure you are wondering what this has to do with anything, but bear with me.) All of the women he kidnapped, had something to live for. One woman had a newborn baby, one a fiancé, and one faith in God. He would keep these women locked in a basement. He would then wait for them to give up hope. He would even still feed them. He would wait until the women gave up hope of escaping, until they gave up hope in the thing they lived for. He would then lock them in the basements to die. He was describing this process to the detectives, satisfied with himself that they all gave up. Something he said struck me though. He told the detectives, after they asked about the woman who had her faith, that she was the one who gave up the fastest.

Now I know this is a scripted T.V. show, but does it hold some truth? I know we would all like to think that no matter what we may face, we will trust God. But is that true? If you were like these women, kidnapped, locked in a basement alone for weeks or months, would you still have faith that it was part of God's plan? Or perhaps if you or a loved one are facing a disease like cancer. If no amount of treatment is working, and the illness drags on for years, would you still trust God was listening to your prayers?

A few days after watching "Cold Case" I read in Daniel about Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego. King Nebuchadnezzar had made a golden idol for all the people to worship. Whoever did not fall down in praise to the idol would be thrown into the furnace. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refused to worship the golden image. Upon questioning them, King Nebuchadnezzar threatened to throw them into the furnace if they did not worship his god. The three men replied in verse 17, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king." It is what they spoke in verse 18 that amazes me, "But EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, we want you to know O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were not only willing to die for God, but they were willing to die for Him even if He did not save them! Am I that devoted to my Lord? I would like to think I am, but am I? Are any of us? I am not saying you do or do not have such faith in God. What I am saying, is that it is not enough to simply hope for that kind of faith.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 says, "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

We have to stay rooted in God, rooted in His word. I don't want to just hope my faith would hold up in the fire. I want to dig my roots deep in the Lord so that no matter what fiery trial I face, my leaves are always green and I never fail to bear fruit. I want to be a tree.

More than conquerers

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

-Ephesians 6:12

We are in a war. Daily. If you are a child of the King, a disciple of Christ, a soldier in God's army, satan wants to kill your spirit. You are a threat to him. He wants to destroy you and your quest to lead others to Christ. He is attacking you, trying his best to eliminate you as a threat. But take heart! "For the battle is not yours, but God's" (2 Chronicles 20:15).

All you have to do is be like Moses in Exodus 17. Stand and lift your hands to God. As Moses stood on the hill he watched the Amalekites attack the Israelites. Yet, as long as Moses kept his hands to God, the Israelites were winning. God fought the battle for him. And God fights your battles for you. You already have victory through him (1 Corinthians 15:57). You are more than conquerers in Him (Romans 8:37). Just lift your hands to the Mighty King.

Yet, God does not stop there! All you have to do is lift your hands. Such a simple command. But when you grow weak and can no longer stand, God will send help. When Moses grew tired and could not hold up his hands anymore, God gave him Aaron and Hur to hold his hands for him. God will send you help. When you are devoid of strength, he will place a stone beneath you and send someone to hold your hands up.

So you see, you are "thoroughly equipped" for find your victory (2 Timothy 3:17). It is there waiting for you. How wonderful it is that the creator of the universe does everything for you. He simply asks that you let Him.

Pieces of my heart

My heart longs for Nicaragua. It always does, but this is one of those times when my heart aches a little bit more than usual. I long to hold those dirty little hands. To kiss on there faces. To be so tired, dirty, filthy in this wonderful, beautiful, never felt so clean kind of way. It feels like home there. A chunk of my heart was left there when I came home last May. Pieces of my heart are spread all across Leon. I know God has called me back. So I know he will provide. It would be easy to look at what we still need and be so overwhelmed. But in ways that I do not understand, God will provide. I do not know where it will come from, but it will come. God will see this to completion. He will make a way.

More to life than a to do list

I'm not really sure how this whole blogging thing will go. If nothing else, it is another outlet to praise my Father. So here goes...

I love those moments. Moments when God's love is so evident. When I am so in love with God, and I know he is so in love with me. When I am amazed by his love, power, and wisdom. Yet I know there is more. There is so much more love to discover. There is so much more for me to uncover.

As I was walking home from class today, I was convicted by my lack of concern and lack of praise. I make that walk 5 days a week, and almost every time my thoughts are filled with my to do list or some other such meaningless thing. I am more concerned with MY life, than the life of the person passing by me. I am blessed and happy, but that person could be hurting. That person has a soul that God longs for. How many people do we see a day? A lot. And each one of them is loved by God. But do they know that? Is my life in those brief seconds showing them that? Probably not since I am too busy thinking about my to do list.

Or why in my walk home, am I not lifting constant praise up to my Creator? I am healthy, clothed, fed, and loved. Right this moment there is a child dying because of a lack of medical care. There is a family starving and wearing ragged clothes. There is someone who is alone and doesn't know what it means to be loved. And here I sit in my nice apartment (that I so often complain about), typing on my laptop, listening to my I-pod, and checking my Blackberry. I have two closets full of clothes, the majority of which I could do without. My kitchen is full of food, yet I often complain that there's "nothing to eat." I am surrounded by friends and family that love me dearly. Most importantly, I know the love of a God who has given me all of this and more. I know the love of a God who sacrificed his son for MY sins. I know the love of a God who loves me and desires me even when I choose other things over him. Yet despite all of this, the thing I choose to think about on my walk home is my to do list.

I know there is more to this amazing, exciting, miraculous relationship, and I want more. I want to fall deeper in love with God. I want to know what it is to feel as though I am starving, thirsting, desperate for my Lord. He is Yahweh Yireh, the Lord who will provide, and I cling to that promise.