Waiting sucks

Sometimes it's hard to be content. Sometimes my heart hurts. Like really hurts. Like hurts so badly that it feels like an actual physical pain in my chest. And when it hurts like that there are no tears, just longing. Longing for more. I kinda suck at just being content.

I know my fight for the orphan and abandoned isn't over. I know God has just begun this work in me. I know there are so many more injustices that He's just waiting to break my heart over. I think He's just waiting for me to be ready. For now, He's calling me to wait.

But here's the thing, I HATE waiting. I want to do something NOW. I want to be planning a trip somewhere. Rocking a little one. Holding the hand of a big kid. I want to be actively DOING something. Yet, I keep feeling God urging me to just be content in Him. To stop making the cause bigger than He is. Because yes, it's a wonderful cause to fight for, and fight for it we should, but God has to be my reason to fight.

"You shall have no other gods before me." -Exodus 20:3

Guilty. It can be SO easy to make the orphan, the forgotten, the starving, the abandoned, etc. my god. To get so caught up in my heartbreak, that I forget to give it to God. My heart breaks and I immediately search out something I can do, but those are my plans. Believe me, I have plans.

God is asking me instead, for now, to pray and be content. But I can be a bit of a brat, and sometimes I just want to kick and scream that I don't want to wait. My heart hurts and I want to do something now!

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." -Psalm 27:14

"...whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." -1 Corinthians 10:31

I'm learning, VERY slowly.